My eyes are so swollen...I look like a goldfish today...I know shouldn't have cried so hard before I went to sleep last night, but I just couldn't control myself. I was overwhelmed by emotions, I miss my children, I am disappointed with daughter N, and then I started to self-blame...
Disappointment came from daughter N, she was totally nonchalant about my returning home for the weekend, she lost her report book but she didn't give a damn about it, she was constantly SMS-ing her friends,...she has become one of the typical terrible teenager. She has become a stranger to me...not my darling little girl anymore. Maybe it's because I am not around enough to be able to get used to her change, her change might have been gradual but to me, it came as a shock. I started to think if it was all due to my fault and I started to be critical to myself. Maybe it was the broken marriage, maybe it was the fact that I am working here in HK, maybe...there're just too many "maybe".
Then I read gweipo's blog about Two Bad Bricks this morning...I really shouldn't focus too much on N's bad points, I shouldn't put my expectations too high and most importantly, I should not be too critical about myself. There are so many things that I have done RIGHT!
Disappointment came from daughter N, she was totally nonchalant about my returning home for the weekend, she lost her report book but she didn't give a damn about it, she was constantly SMS-ing her friends,...she has become one of the typical terrible teenager. She has become a stranger to me...not my darling little girl anymore. Maybe it's because I am not around enough to be able to get used to her change, her change might have been gradual but to me, it came as a shock. I started to think if it was all due to my fault and I started to be critical to myself. Maybe it was the broken marriage, maybe it was the fact that I am working here in HK, maybe...there're just too many "maybe".
Then I read gweipo's blog about Two Bad Bricks this morning...I really shouldn't focus too much on N's bad points, I shouldn't put my expectations too high and most importantly, I should not be too critical about myself. There are so many things that I have done RIGHT!
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