My Dream

I know what is my dream. My dream is to be able to throw in a resignation letter to my boss who for the past 8 years has never given me a clear direction as to where I am heading in this company and what is my job scope, what are my responsibilities and what kind of authority do I have. I am just a firefighter, deploy to wherever there is a problem and solve it. Then wait for another problem to arise somewhere else and then go there to solve it. 

For the past 2.5 years after my return from my secondment to HK, I have been given an ambiguous post of looking after 6 warehouse operations in Asia. Each warehouse operation is under each country's head and organizationally the staff in the warehouses are under their respective country head. That is to say, they do not report to me and neither have I any authority over any of them. I am just a consultant, but if any of the operations cock up, I will be blamed for not managing the operations well enough. In October 2011, I was sent to Thailand to evacuate our stocks due to the floods and move the whole operations to Singapore. Thereafter I run the operations of 2 warehouses in one premise for 6 months. After the floods cleared up, I was again sent to Thailand to find them a good warehouse for relocating the operations back. Then in July 2012, I was sent to Taiwan for their warehouse removal project. In December 2012, I was again back in Taiwan to bid farewell to the warehouse manager who was being forced to retire early and have all his duties handover to the next guy. 

February 2013 ~ May 2013, I was mostly occupied with some personnel issues in Shanghai and I do not know what else or where else will need me next. Maybe HK, for the new system implementation....again something that I have to be responsible for smooth transition but have absolutely no control or say over the system. I can only request them to do thorough system testing using various scenarios and hope that I have covered as much sh*t as possible before we actually start using the new system. 

Then today, there was this very urgent situation, line down situation in Thailand and they need to send some stocks from Singapore to Thailand using the fastest possible way. The manager in HQ Japan whom I had worked with in HK called me on my handphone and asked if I know of this case, I told no, not yet. Then minutes after that I received an email from Thailand copied to me but attentioned to the Business Operations Support manager asking him to help expedite the delivery. Knowing that he has absolutely no way to help this situation, I have to come in and made all the arrangements over at my end. So, why do we need him for? 

My dream is to be able to throw in a resignation letter and leave this company soon... 

Chasing Dreams

Went to my ex-secondary school friend's first book launch on last week at the National Library. Am so happy for her having her dream comes true although I didn't know that writing children's books was her passion...She has always been the brainy one among my old school friends, having been awarded an EDB Scholarship to study Chemistry at Imperial College London and attaining a PhD as well. She has been staying in the UK with her husband and 3 girls until about 3 years ago when her husband found a job in Singapore. She has been more or less a housewife since the birth of their 3rd child as it is not easy to get domestic helper in the UK. So she has time to pursue her dreams now that even her youngest child is away at school most of the day now. 

"The Magic Mixer" won her the rights to publish with the Strait Times Press. It was one of the five winning entries for Beyond Words 2011, an initiative by National Arts Council to encourage high quality literature. I am not sure how many entries were there but I am impressed that she won and she will receive royalty with every sale of her book. Although we all know that books don't sell very well in Singapore as Singaporeans are not that into books as compared to other nationals.

Anyway, this event set me thinking..."What is my dream and how can I pursue it?". Hmm...

When there's a will, there's a way

So much have happened the past 1 month, I do not even know where to begin! Less than 10 days of moving into our newly rented apartment, I said "goodbye" to my BMW 125i sports coupe. I have more or less gotten over the sadness of losing a damn good car. It was my very first sports car and it was so powerful and such a pleasure to drive. I am glad we did drive it to Johor once last year and had a good run. Also gone with it was the license plate that had graced all of my past cars in Singapore for the last 15 years...Oh well, as much as I hate to part with it, I think it is for the better. Having 2 cars is too much a luxury for us.

Then we booked us a 5 bedroom apartment at Q Bay Residences in Tampines! The layout was right, the price was right, the location so-so and the timing was quite bad actually as we now have to figure out quickly how to get the whooping amount to pay for it within 8 weeks. It was by chance that we found out about Q Bay. We were on our way to fun-bowl at Tampines Safra and we saw this banner and went in. The indicative price was around $950~$1000 psf which is affordable but the amount in stamp duties after the latest "cooling off" measures is really hard to swallow. Anyway, I figured that we cannot rent forever, so we have to buy something somehow and the longer we wait, the more expensive it is going to get. The population is projected to be 6.9 million by 2030! And I definitely do not see the size of my family getting smaller any time soon, in fact, it will only get bigger as baby J will eventually want his own room.

We spoke to a banker and she recommend that we can take a term loan with our 2 properties to tie us through and we breathed a sigh of relieve. The government's "cooling off" measures are not making it easy for us...10% additional buyer stamp duty, 40% loan and God knows what else! But whatever it is, we still have to do it. I am totally consumed by the idea and I think I am going to go for it no matter what. It is OK to not have a car but I think it is definitely unacceptable not having a nice house with a good master bedroom. I want a master bedroom with a walk-in wardrobe and a bath tub. I want my house to have a good size balcony. And indeed, when there is a will, there will be a way. Our term loans have been approved! Now, I do not need to sell one of my apartment so hurriedly and lose all negotiation powers. I figured that if we can hold on for a couple of years, the price will definitely move up further! Now, I really need to find a tenant soon!

Starting a new life at 42

It's been a long time since I sat down and write about my feelings and thoughts...I have been thinking a lot...Am I happier relocating back to Singapore than when I was in Hong Kong? Many people asked me this question when I first came back in Oct 2010 and I said yes readily, but the "honeymoon" period is over. I am not so happy about being in Singapore any more..there are these little things that add up to me being unhappy back here. Not that I am dissatisfied with the government or how things work here, but I really do not like the hot and humid weather which makes me sweaty most of the time. I have a serious case of sweaty hands and feet but the problem is much alleviated when I am overseas. Sweaty hands and feet inconvenience me in many ways that makes me frustrated. And I do not like the way I am being treated at my job over here. Then there is this unhappiness about my house which doesn't look like it belongs to me, I have no space of my own except for the master bedroom and it is such a small room, barely 150 sq ft...

When we decided that it's time to relocate back to Singapore due to my pregnancy and being away for more than 5 years from family, I envisioned that I would be happier, being able to see my children everyday, having a much bigger space than the 2 apartments hubby and I had stayed in Hong Kong, being able to have my dogs run around the house, having better air quality, better tax rebates, etc. I was quite apprehensive about having to stay with my MIL and true enough, it is not easy...especially when she thinks that the whole house belong to her and she can put whatever she wants in the house. I hate all the things that she brings into the house, all the statues and idols of various Gods, all the talismans, etc. I can accept that there is one alter for praying, my mum has one too but I really cannot accept having all these talismans decorated from outside to the inside of the house. And every wall and every cabinets are filled with her religious paraphernalia. And that's not all, she is afraid of dogs, especially small, furry dogs like mine and so I have to keep my dogs locked inside the toilet of my room everyday, letting them out to run about only when she is not at home. Such poor things, right?

Well, all that I mentioned above is not the real issue that is pushing me over the edge. It's the way she is taking care of my baby that is really unacceptable by me. She feeds him instant foodstuff such as instant cereal, bottled/packaged fruit juice, all sorts of processed foods but not fresh food! Even the fish she cooks for him are frozen and cooked using the microwave! And everyday I come home, my baby is stinky and dirty...he even developed nappy rash because she didn't realized that he has pooped and didn't change his diaper for quite awhile. I get it that she really doesn't like taking care of baby, so we thought that the best solution is to get a maid to help out with the housework and cooking while my mum can help to take care of baby. And in order to do that, we all have to move into one big household, preferably one house big enough so that everyone will have their own space and the dogs can run around somewhere like a backyard or a roof terrace or something. And D would really like to have a proper room, even a room in the basement will make him happier. We almost found the perfect house within our budget but the problem is, my MIL won't move! She said she doesn't want to stay with my mum, she thinks that my mum is too fussy. And she said that we are praying to different Gods...So she told me to go ahead and move out while she and uncle will stay...

And so we have! On the last day of 2012, we all moved out and started 2013 on a very good note. I now have a maid to help out with the household chores, my dogs have a new home on the big balcony, D has a proper room and we finally have a king size bed! Life is definitely better in the house but there are some sacrifices...I have to give up one car and really watch my spending. Anyway, this is not a permanent home yet, we still have to continue our search...

I will be turning 42 next week and it feels like I am starting all over again...I wonder when will I ever be able to really settle down?