Baby J is 200 days old!

I have weaned baby J off breast milk for more than 4 days now but I still miss the wonderful feeling of having him suckle at my breasts. So last night I tried to breast feed him again and he was very eager to latch on, smiling and kicking excitedly. My hearted melted and I was overwhelmed with love for that couple of minutes. If I had more milk, he would have suckled much longer but unfortunately, I couldn't get my milk flowing as before. I read somewhere that if I persisted and continue to let him suckle or take some supplements, I would probably be able to breast feed him again even though I have stopped for a week or more. But I have to start travelling overseas on business trips more frequently again and it would be really hard for me, especially when my breasts get painfully engorged. Baby J doesn't seem to mind taking formula milk anyway and he has started taking solids as well. He is enjoying all sorts of food being fed to him and he is growing up very fast.

Baby J has just passed his 200 days old mark mid-week and he is sitting up rather steadily by himself and also started crawling. He can flip and turn very fast when lying down and we really have to keep a close eye on him, especially when he is on the bed, sofa or the changing table. He is also giggling a lot and making everyone at home so happy, especially the old folks.

The overwhelming maternal love I have for baby J surprised even myself and I have to be careful not to show too much of it in front of my older children. N is still alright, but I think D is rather jealous of baby J. Perhaps it's because they are both boys and D is still young? Or perhaps he is just feeling insecure as baby J is his step-father's baby. I am not sure if he is doing it on purpose or he is just plain not interested in arts but I received a call from his art teacher yesterday complaining that he is very late in submitting 2 art projects. Hubby went to help him do his project and he seemed rather happy that we were there even though I was scolding him and criticising his CA results. I think we should have a good family time this weekend.

Random thoughts

The haze is back and I am having running nose and watery eyes again...or have I caught a cold? I really can't tell the difference but I am feeling terrible...Baby J is still waking up in the middle of the night (around 2am~3am) for feeds and I don't have enough breast milk to fill him up, so hubby has to wake up to make formula milk for him. After that baby J usually sleeps until 8am or 9am before fully waking up to begin his day. By that time, I will be at work but grandpa and grandma will be home attending to him and doting on him. Relocating back to Singapore for baby J is a good decision, no doubt about it. I just need to take control of my desires and ego. Be humble, be contented.

Sometimes, I wonder to myself if coming back to Singapore and staying with our extended family members is a good idea. I wonder how will it be like when it's just hubby, me and baby J. My friend V who is living in Germany with her hubby and 2 kids were telling me that she cannot imagine relocating back to Singapore where they will not be able to afford a big house like the one they are living in and the lifestyle that they are enjoying in Germany. I cannot imagine. Houses in Singapore are getting too expensive...We would have to sell off both our private apartments in exchange for 1 house and still have to deal with the fact that we will be staying further away from the city. But then again, how big is Singapore anyway? How far is far? I bet my friend V and her family have to deal with travelling further distances on a daily basis. And then, we have to convince my MIL to move, which is the most difficult task as she thinks that the apartment that we are living in has the best feng shui and all...Unlike most couples, we do not have the final say as to whether we move or not...Anyway, getting a house is not top priority for us at the moment, hubby getting a job to keep him occupied and sane is...So I am praying hard that he will get an offer soon.

House-viewing and wedding dinner

We went house-viewing over the weekend and we particularly liked one of the inter-terraces with 6 bedrooms which fit our needs and wants. The price is reasonable at this point of time too. The only problem is getting my MIL to agree to move there...Unlike most couples, hubby and I do not have the final say in whether we move house or not, we need to obtain agreements from our parents who are staying with us. The kids will just follow us but the old folks will have plenty of opinions. It's good to have dreams though.

I miss the days in HK when it was only just the 2 of us and the dogs. I miss the work environment in HK and I think it will be much easier for hubby to get a well-paying job in HK than here. But I have baby J now and it will be tough for us if we are still in HK...but then again, we will be able to bring him up entirely on our terms. There is really no best situation, is there? I guess we'll just need to balance off with occasional escapades to somewhere quiet and relaxing. A spa retreat at Bintan or Sentosa will be good enough for me.

And we went to hubby's cousin's wedding dinner on Saturday. It was the same old wedding dinner as the ones I have been to since I was a little girl and I really wonder why can't there be anything new? Oh well, it was nice to see MIL and ah pa so happy showing off baby J to relatives. And I notice that MIL takes every opportunity to take a family photo together, especially when big brother-in-law and his wife are around. Maybe we should all go to take a family portrait at some studio someday.

I need a bigger house

It's September already! And baby J is 6 months old! He's getting chubbier, cheekier and cuter by the day and I am really enjoying myself seeing him grow each day. And I would really love to be home with him more so that I can do all sorts of activities with him...

The aircon in our bedroom is spoilt, it is dripping water and it's too near to the bed...The aircon guy can't come to fix it until next Tuesday, which means we will have to either do without aircon or we'll have to put a pail underneath it to catch the water...Hubby has been having trouble sleeping since coming back and the aircon on his side of the bed dripping water and splashing onto him when turned on made it worse.

I think the problem is our bedroom. It is too small! Well, comparing to our bedroom back in Hong Kong, perhaps the present room is bigger, but we didn't have so many other people in our apartment as compared to now! It was basically just the 2 of us and our dogs. So, although our apartment was much smaller, we had much more space than we are having here. The math is simple, when we had just 600 sq.ft nett of space, there were only the 2 of us and 2 poodles. Now we have 1900 sq. ft. split into 2 units and we have 8 people (including baby J) and 2 poodles in our big family...Each of us has less tha 300 sq.ft. of space! We are not living better now, we are worse off and we need to make it better for us sooner...

Watched Sex and the City 2 (movie) on HBO last night and it made me want to have a walk-in wardrobe like Carrie's all over again. It would be a dream come true and it would be heaven! And yes, it's a "want" and not a "need". The point is, do I really need a big house with garden and all? For myself only? No. But for the whole family? Yes. Especially for the dogs, I need a space for them to run around in and yet won't disturb my MIL. I would love to have more space for baby J to play in, I would love to have dinner out in the garden when the evenings are cooler. Perhaps have a BBQ party once in awhile too? I would love that kind of lifestyle...Who wouldn't?

HK in 3 days 2 nights

I was back in HK for a 3-day business trip which turned out to be more of a shopping and feasting trip for me. Having been away for more than 6 months due to pregnancy and maternity leave, most of my "supplies" have run out and I need to replenish them. With the extremely low HKD and summer sale, it was extremely difficult to resist shopping and feasting!

On the first day, we had sushi at Sen Ryo, one of the finest conveyor-belt sushi in HK. 4 of us stuffed ourselves crazy on uni, botan ebi, negi-toro, amaebi & kani miso, salmon, scallops, etc. and the total bill came out to be just HK$900+ which was like less than S$150! Then I went shopping for my skincare supplies at Laneige, bought a new fragrance from Benefit and then went to meet Wing and his wife for desserts.

On day 2, my IT team and I had a lunch meeting with one of my supplier and he booked a Michelin ranked restaurant at Harbour City! It was a semi-buffet featuring "east meet west" cuisine and it was sumptuous! More shopping after work where I bought 2 pairs of shoes, coffee capsules for my coffee machine, supplements and tonic soup packs for mum. Then at night, I had another dinner date with several ex-colleagues who filled me in on some gossips.

Met up with "old man" on day 3 for lunch and showed him photos of baby J. He was all smiles when he looked at baby J's photos on the iPad and I wanted to give him a hug. He's more like a father to me than my real father who doesn't seem to be keen on meeting up with me at all...I have been worrying for the past couple of years that I may not be informed when something happens to "old man". He is afterall 70+ now...I guess he was thinking the same as he said that he regretted for not introducing his 2 children to us when we were still living in HK. I told him to arrange a meeting another time and I hope that by the end of this year, we will get to be properly introduced...

4 weeks on...

4th week back at work and I am more or less getting used to the routine, although waking up in the morning is still a struggle...I am still breast-feeding and baby J wakes up several times at night...Hubby has resorted to sleeping on the floor so that baby J and I can have the whole bed to ourselves. I feel kind of bad...since baby J's arrival, I am so overwhelmed by the motherly love that I am experiencing, I think I am neglecting my hubby. Initially, I had planned to just breast-feed for 3 months then go for a romantic holiday with hubby and get back in shape as soon as possible and quickly go back to my "normal" life. However, baby J is 4 months 3 weeks old now and I am still terribly stuck on him! Other than signing up with Contour Express for workouts in attempt to loose weight, I have not done any of those things that I have planned!

Post-pregnancy and post-confinement, I am still weighing at a massive 62.5kg and the worst thing is I am loosing a lot of hair! It's worrying to see so much hair fall out every time I shampoo and the top of my head getting quite scanty...Why must women suffer such consequences for bringing a precious life into this world? I think it is unfair! If only women can become healthier, slimmer and prettier in terms of better skin and more luscious hair for having babies!

Evaluation and Promotion

Had a meeting in the morning with the Admin Director regarding the evaluation of my staff for the annual increment and promotion exercise. She mentioned that I have not evaluated my staff according to the company's guideline and told me to re-evaluate them.

According to the guideline, I can only evaluate 5% A, 25% B+, 55% B, 10% B-and 5% C out of the 27 staff that I have. So that is to say, I can only have 1 grade A staff, 7 grade B+ staff, 15 grade B staff, 3 grade B- staff and 1 grade C staff! I asked what is this guideline based on and she said it's the company's policy and I will need to pick and choose among my staff the ones that really deserve A and B+ gradings...But what if I really 40% of my staff are above average and should be graded B+ according to performance? What if I really do not have any grade C worker? I think this guideline is really stupid. And apparently, double promotion is not recommended and neither should a staff be promoted yearly. A staff have to wait at least 2 years before his/her next promotion! How do we as department heads motivate our staff to perform? Most of the long-service staff knows about this policy and since the company do not terminate staff as well, most of the staff are just going through the motion at work. As long as they come to work on time and don't mess up their duties, they can be sure that they will be given the company's average yearly increment until the day they retire.

I have worked in this company for more than 9 years now but lucky for me, my promotions were not decided by this Admin Director. I have a boss whom I report directly in HQ and I made it to AGM in 3 years...but then again, I got this promotion because I was offered a job at another company and I resigned! So they retained me, seconded me to HK, made me the AGM of IT and Logsitics and of course doubled my salary. I did well in HK and if not for baby J and other family commitments, I don't think I would come back. I think hubby is thinking the same, especially now that he's lack of luck in his job search...